Lately on the bus rides to and from work, I've found myself carefully (more like frantically) sifting through the thoughts in my head; trying desperately to figure out the next step in my life, and ultimately what I want to be when I grow up. I'm turning 24 this year and for the first time in a long time, I've found myself unsure of what I want to do next. And for someone who lives by plans and lists like I always have, this uncertainty truly terrifies me. When I was younger, my parents said that I would make a good lawyer, or should go into journalism because I have always been gifted with the ability to talk anyone and everyone's ear off. They were surprised when I said I wanted to go into medicine, not because they didn't think I could do it, but because they weren't sure it would be the best use of my skill set. But as good parents do, they put their misgivings aside and supported my new endeavor. I completed all of my prerequisites for medical school while sprinkling in a variety of other classes that appealed to the "Jill of all trades" in me. After college, I naturally searched for jobs that would give me the most medical experience possible. I knew I wanted to be a doctor, but I wanted to be completely sure before I dedicated a large chunk of my life to more school, grueling work hours, and little to no personal life.
Even though right now I feel lost, my clinical research job clarified many things for me. I've learned that I thrive in hectic, fast-paced environments, I am happiest when I get to spend the majority of my day talking to my patients because I truly find joy in taking care of other people, and I constantly strive to find more efficient and productive business practices. Now you're probably wondering how on earth I could be confused about going to medical school, right? Well, I don't know if becoming a doctor is the best way for me to positively affect the most people, the career that will fulfill all of my passions, or the best use of my skills (yeah Mom and Dad, you might have been on to something). So while the practical side (dare I say, my Asian side?) of me knows that I need a profession that requires a skill set that will always be in high demand, and allow me to maintain the lifestyle I've grown accustomed to, the other side of me doesn't know the best way for me to accomplish those goals. I know my anxiety about the next step won't be resolved overnight, but I do know that writing this post has helped me lay out some of the thoughts that are recently haunting me.
Well, there you have it, a little peak into my mind. Let's be honest, growing up is hard, and navigating the map to adulthood is tricky without a compass. So thank you to all of you for accompanying me on this scary, yet exciting journey.
XO,
Kimiko
Photos taken by yours truly:
#2 - Newport, Rhode Island
#3 - Kagoshima, Japan
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